Beth Shepard, MS, Mind & Body Clinical Content Development Team:

For many people, the joy of year-end holidays is overshadowed by the expectation of stress — the shopping, concerts, parties, food, and excessive spending. Sound familiar? What would happen if you opted out of the holiday rush this year and chose instead to be intentional about having a peaceful, enjoyable holiday season?

Years ago, when my kids were toddlers, everyone wanted to see them during the holidays. We alternated spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family and my in-laws, who live 6 hours away. After a few years, we grew weary of fighting snow in the mountain passes, caring for cranky, sick children on a long car trip, and just feeling rushed.

For the last 8 years or so, we’ve celebrated the holidays in our own home, with no regrets. We invite others to join us ― sometimes they do, and sometimes they don’t. Either way, we celebrate without the stress of packing up and spending two whole days of our limited vacation time on the road.

We also used to hop from one holiday event to another, to another, all in the same day. Not anymore — the stress and exhaustion simply isn’t worth it. A couple of years ago, when our children’s piano recital fell on the same day as my girlfriends’ annual Christmas dinner, I declined the dinner. They suggested I come to the dinner after the recital, but I said, “No, thank you.” And life went on, and they’re still my friends.

Last year, I experienced cookie drama. My girlfriends have insisted on doing a cookie exchange for the past several years, and I’ve never been a willing participant. I rarely carve out time for cookie-baking. And when I do, my family gets so excited – I don’t like to say, “Oh, by the way, these aren’t for you.” Plus, whenever I commit to making twelve dozen cookies, I burn myself, I burn the cookies, the cookie press fails, or something else goes awry, and I end up with really sad-looking cookies at midnight the night before the party.

So I let my friends know in advance this year that I was opting out of the cookie exchange in an effort to reduce the stress in my life. Some friends said, “Bah humbug,” but two others joined me in politely declining. It seems I wasn’t the only one who had been supplying cookies out of obligation rather than good cheer. Despite the fact that three of us didn’t bring cookies, the party still was fun, and there were no hard feelings ― just some good-natured ribbing.

It’s easy to over-commit and get stressed out during the holidays because of what we think other people expect of us. I’ve learned that most people respond quite well when I honor my values and priorities. Our family’s decisions, while meeting with light resistance, have been respected. And we have more energy to focus on what we value most ― our health, our faith, and spending time relaxing together during the holidays.