Jason Kalivas, Quit Coach, Service Delivery:
It was a beautiful day in Seattle, a lingering bit of warmth riding out the end of the summer, and I decided to take advantage by sitting outside a coffee shop for a while. I had sun, I had a latte, I had a book. All in all, it was the makings of a great day off.
A girl sitting near me had the same idea, and sat with only one variation on the theme: she was smoking. It wasn't any bother to me; she was a few yards away, and the wind was blowing in the other direction. I was happy to ignore her, until a guy walked outside and asked to bum a cigarette. The girl obliged and the two struck up a conversation from there, laughed and even exchanged phone numbers at the end. Boy meets girl.
That's about when my "Quit Coach brain" took over. I had to wonder, looking at the pair, why the guy wanted that cigarette. Was it a craving for nicotine? Did he just finish a coffee and associate the tastes strongly? My guess is that he thought the girl was cute, and was looking for an excuse to start a conversation.
A guy walks up to a girl while she's reading and starts talking to her and maybe he's a bother, maybe he's a pest. Can't he see that she's busy? But if he asks for one of her cigarettes, he's asking for a favor, he's putting himself at her mercy and, just maybe, he's creating for himself the obligation to pay her back with a bit of conversation for those few minutes he's smoking. Maybe he has to show that her kindness is being put to good use and her cigarette is being enjoyed.
Maybe I was too affected by the book I was reading about the culture and traditions of Pacific Northwest Native Americans and I was being too much of an “armchair anthropologist,” reading into the why and wherefore. What is pretty clear, though, is that social smoking opens up a sort of safety valve; it gives people permission to talk to strangers, to start new conversations, to meet new people. This might explain why about 50% of smoking college students are social smokers; it's a prime time of a young person's life to meet new people in unique situations. All the same, we know that even one cigarette a month can be addictive, so you're certainly better off without. Easy to say, but less easy for the social smoker to do. To the social smoker, asking for a cigarette is the default opening conversational gambit; how else do they start talking to someone?
Being a Quit Coach isn't always about answering questions; it's also about recognizing patterns and raising questions. My job's done for today, and now it's on you: what ideas do you have for the social smokers out there? How else can they connect with new people?