Ask anyone who has quit an addiction, “If ever you relapse, what would be the one thing that could bring you back?” Stress will likely be the answer. Breakups, breakdowns, layoffs, lawsuits: when stress hits, the reflex kicks in, and you might think of smoking without consciously meaning to.

Tuesday 2/2 marks our fifth session as the Out To Quit group. 6 returning gay men sit around the long table with Dan at the front. Dan has compiled past findings, researched online, and consulted with others to generate ideas on stress management. He teaches the group what stress is, where it comes from, how we deal with it, and how it relates to smoking. Lark and I sit next to Dan for support.

With high amounts of ongoing stress, Dan explains, the body is significantly more likely to develop illnesses and chronic conditions like heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, more frequent infections, skin problems, headaches, muscle pain, and insomnia. Add smoking to the lot and you’ve got a recipe for a health meltdown. This is especially important for American sexual minorities as 1) we suffer stresses unique to the LGBT community, and 2) we’re more likely to smoke than the straight population (see Part 1).

The group shares what causes them stress and Dan guides them through a list of alternative coping strategies to replace cigarettes. He offers these 10 stress management tips:

1) Get active and exercise
2) Get quality sleep
3) Use positive self talk
4) Explore your self-awareness about what causes your stress and how you react to it
5) Express yourself creatively
6) Establish daily priorities and manage your time
7) Build social support
8) Seek counseling
9) Eat healthfully
10) Get massages to release stress-relieving endorphins in your body

The group discusses how they could implement Dan’s tips into their own lives.

Dustin has quit since our last session! He bought himself a Wii as a fun, distracting reward. Matt wrote poetry to express his addiction and understand it better, and has since cut down even more.

Tony, still quit, looks great being tobacco-free. He notices he’s much calmer now that he’s quit.

James has cut down his cigarettes substantially by rationing them out, but without his evening cigarette, he’s becoming stressed with insomnia. The guys give him ideas for what he can do to relieve his stress and fall asleep easier without tobacco. Lark recommends contemplative deep breathing in a quiet place to wrap up James’ day. Ron has been quit since Saturday and suggests what worked for him: a light workout in the evening to wind down.

Naturally when discussing stress, the guys bring up the emotional addiction that binds them to cigarettes. After so many years of smoking, cigarettes become more than just a nicotine fix. They become rewards, breaks, muses, sanctuaries. “It was sort of this best friend I’d created,” Tony admits.

I leave the group with these words:

A cigarette is tobacco wrapped in paper, stuffed with chemicals. Nothing more. The true danger of addiction is when we allow cigarettes to be more than what they are. If you smoked because tragedy struck your family, it wasn’t the cigarette that got you through the crisis; it was you. If you lost your job and smoked to alleviate your stress, the cigarette didn’t get you a new job and help you cope with the frustration; you coped with it yourself. You just happened to be smoking at the time.

After tonight’s session, the Out To Quit group now understands that nicotine does not chemically relax them; cigarettes don’t support them; tobacco does not take away stress. They know now that cigarettes are only as powerful as we make them, because the power is ours.

Talking about stress can be, well, stressful. Next week we’ll discuss the fun part of quitting smoking: how to reward yourself for your success!